The Crazy Adventures of Lady Katiana The Brave

The Villain and the Hero; New Beginings

2008-11-22T17:29:00.000-08:00

Whenever you think life is at its worst... that you can't go on... if you just need time ; Just remember the truth is like medicine... and an Oasis a, change in scenery is coming... it may just be the happiest time of your life... but you know that you can go on living... and that you are now stronger than before... Time to start anew... pretend all the bad things never happened... never forget them or they may come back to haunt you... but never hold a grudge over such trivial earthly things. Enjoy what you can... Live life Spontaneous, but not stupidly. Don't be afraid to be youself, because you are the one who's loved not a persona. Never forget those who had your back they may help again later on or may need help, Stick up for those who stick up for you. Makes sense? I think so ... even is my brain confuses you.

The Villain and The Hero part 3

2008-11-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

How do I say something without saying it... ? How Do I express myself... without giving anything away... I am not sure how to answer my own questions... much less those people ask of me about it... I hate it when I give permission of the worst kind... when I know it destroys me inside even though its for my own good... Just like medicine... you hate the taste the burn as it goes down your throat but somehow you know it will make you better... While it may suck at the moment... it will make you life so much happier in the long run...(but for how long? asks the shadows in my head. Hasn't this happened so many times before? My silent answers scream I NEED MEANING) my own metaphor... giving to others makes me happy but there's a line where it just tears me up ... I hate to feel the villain... I hate to be the one pointing the finger... I hate not to give the necessary options... its bad on all sides... horrible in every way... the most vile of all "medicines" it kills me inside to be the villain and the hero... the one who hates the situation but put themselves there ... the one who even though hates the circumstance endures the pain for even just one moment of happiness... is that what it comes to the pursuit of happiness? Its a Key idea yet has a slight ring of overrated-ness. Never a regret... yet... a longing... for that which doesn't screw me over in the long run. Even though... it may think it does... ... even if it is in-animate, even though it thins it has no purpose... even though "it" is not really an it... not a who.. not even a what... another side of me... a scary side... yet not scary at all either. Foreboding and Imminent yet I am not afraid ... and actually have been long awaiting the treasure it holds for me.

Backwards Life

2008-08-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

I realize that my original theory was based on euphemisims ... what if the euphemisims arn't true? What if everyone is like everyone else... what if people are exactly perfect? Then what are we? Backwards?... I want opinions on this... so tell me what you think.... anyone... if anyone reads this that is...

Also I have been reading an amazing book called The Secret its about the laws of attraction and Quantum Physics...and Fractal theory (I think that's how its spelled correct me if I'm wrong) Basically the idea is like attracts like. Its very interesting and complex.

On other notes I changed my classes... my schedule is like this:

BandIII
English III
American history
Mass Media (Intense photographic journalisim)
Integrated Science
Lunch
Spanish Basics I
Creative Photography II
Geometry
Web Design
(yes I have 10 classes)

Plus I am joining FBLA and drama (I wonder if they have an Art club still)... and for thoose of you who don't already know I am heavily involved in band and Girlscouts. As you can see I am a very dedicated student getting mostly A's and B's. (and I still have time to do average teenager stuff... so don't give me any excuses you hear?)

well I gotta go ... ttyl
~Kat

Shaken and Not Stirred

2008-07-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

...I love when the world gets shaken ... metaphorically it brings change and new perspective or rather more of a perspective yet less all at the same time life is like a camera trying to focus ... only mine is in macro currently as I pick up all the details but the background is blurry... I wish I could see the whole picture kinda like panorama or something...(to my wirter friends out year I think you would describe that as first person omnicent????) sorry and all if you are like HUH? I speak the things I know or have been taught which don't always agree with each other but often what I know rules over what I've been taught but however in this case its what I've learned this year. um anyway back to what I was saying you never know how big of a miracle something that seemed like a small coincidence can be its amazing me.

more than ever I've exploring new things ...or at least things that seem so new to me things people have tried to show me yet I just didn't understand them very well... and in that pieces of myself grow stronger and clearer instead of disappearing and fading away as I conform to standards... so in essence I am slowly becoming more of an anti-conformist... and daring to be different... yet when everyone is different nobody is so idk... still figuring it out...

Laterness hope I didn't give you too much of a brain cramp there... I just wish people could think the same way I did and this is my way of explaining how I think... sorta...

~Kat

ps: I am waiting for changes too...

The Interesting Thing Life Is

2008-07-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

You ever wanna see who really cares... I'll tell you ... I'm glad someone cares because I was really beginning to think that no one did. Its like I put a picture on my myspace of me that some have said is "Creepy" (even though I love it), and I switched my username to A Tortured Soul and I put "is caged up inside... and needs saving" in my status message. Not only that I'd been dressing a little darker and... well I can't really get anymore dark than I am ... but I was just really depressed for quite a while. I was surprised who freaked out over it... Jacqui and Amy ... (they don't know that's usual for me I guess). It was just like woah to me beacuse well... at least I know two people care... besides the ones I liste below whom I already knew cared. It just really shocked me... people are all like "whats wrong? what's been happening" and I mean I am still slightly depressed but not at least I know that someone cares... idk we'll see. I wasn't going to write a sequel so to speak to my last post (so I kinda made it a yoda-isim).

well later Kiddoz

~Kat

Afterthought: what do you think? I want opinions here people... tell me...

Ah Life Sure is an Intersting Thing...

2008-07-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

So people keep asking me "so how's life?" And besides the ones who are doing it out of what appears to be courtesy even though they don't care at all... I find that a very interesting question. Literally... I usually reply with "Interesting to say the least" followed by "you?"
In which they either give me a list of all their problems or they boast about how absolutley wonderful their life is. Now think about this (or not ... especially if I have eaten your brain and alas you don't have one ot think with) Why is it that I say interesting and leave it at that? Is it because I don't want to bore them with my life because I know they couldn't care less? Is it because I have something to hide? Or is it simply that life just amuses me in the best ways possible? This has been bugging me since well... three days ago on the Fourth of July... On which I wrote this:

"I sometimes wonder how people see me
Do people see the real me
or a fictitious persona?
Maybe if they would take the time
instead of pretending they know everything
do people really care when they say they do
or are they saving their own butts by saying that they do
I realize that I am not perfect
I realize that I have many flaws
but do you realize how much I actually care?
someone said "People never really care when they ask "How are you doing"in in this case I agree...
I need you to be there for me...
to make me speak the truth when I am "Just OK"
as I sit here and try to figure out what's wrong with me
that people forget I am here
that they constantly scream at me when they do recognise my exsistence
that they alwas portray me as the bad guy
that I can never do anything worthwhile that I am useless
You know... Maybe I am usless
You might start caring when I'm gone
I mean is that really what it takes for you to realize?
That I am a Human Being
That I have feelings
That I do have a purpose even if its not visible to you
Maybe then I wouldn't always be the the Villian?
But see you'd rather be ignorant because after all"Ignorance is Bliss"
and its easier to care about yourself than others"

Since I have seen that I was angry... and... Indiginant... and moody that day... which I believe was caused becuase celebrating holidays with my family can be a living hell.

I understand that... I have already defined what other people think about me is no matter to dwell upon... because it just makes me depressed... however its like sometimes I wonder... you know whats really going on in their head? Do they give a crap? I am sure that if everyone expressed whatever nonsense was in their minds we would all have a lot less friends...

Idk... I am still working it out... and ... I especially don't want this to seem like its all about me cause its not... I am ... just trying to figure a lot of things out right now and otherpeoples drama that gets sloughed off onto me does not help the fact.

The Villian and The Hero part 2

2008-06-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking and you know how I said it may be possible to be two opposite things at once? Does that make it possible to be the Villian and the Hero? And I don't mean this in a double personality or a two faced way either. Like you could save youself from utter catostrophe but you were the one who put yourself in that position. I find myself doing this a lot, and the sad thing is all along I could have prevented having to rescue myself by not putting myself in that position. Yet somehow I end up doing it again and again.

I dunno... it needs more thought... I will write a version 2.0 at some point I just don't know when...

The Characters:
I realised that of you are going to read this lame excuse for a blog of mine that your going to need to know the characters... so heres a quick run down... (sorry if I forget you in the list or leave you out for any particular reason I will add you later)

My Family(the only ones in my list I have pictures of):

Anneliese(my younger sister) Kieran (my younger brother) Serena (aka:Mommy)

Mitch(step dad) Lia (older stepsister) Brittany(younger stepsister)

(sorry its the only pic I could find britt)

Ok so this is my family. Anneliese my little sister is 14, Kieran is 11, my mom is 45-ish? , dad is 43, Lia is (19 or 20 can never remember) and Brittany is 15. Brittany and Lia live in other states and I get to see them some summers... a fact I am not too happy about because they are awesome and I miss them much. (Lia: MUFFIN WAR!!!!! hey do you remember the underwear hat thing????)(Britt: or shall I call you Latte????) (Anneliese: thanks for putting up with my crazyness... and attempting to kill me... jkjk srsly though good times, good times... )

Friends and Confidants(VP'S and other titles for my "crew"):

Edmund Vient (you know what you are and that's all I am gonna say) (heheheh pelicanpeiranaisim!!! wait do you eat the pelican or the peir??? I always forget that one ... oh well never mind... I will keep your drumstick forever!!! I miss you Ohio is really really far away. wah!)

Louie Earl Spivack (one of my best friends since like the 3rd grade) (you need to e-mail me you goober and you can't really use the sports excuse if you are taking the time to read this...GO TO THE ANT!!!!!!!!!!! lolz ... inside jokes are so much fun!!! I miss you as well Why did you have to go and move to georgia????)

Katherine Shneyderova (one of my many best friends) ( yay! its the other "Kat" you always have something good to say... especially when I am in a bad mood... your job should be cheer-er upper! eh... you live in georgia... so I can't yell at you for moving away like I did at the other two... still why do all of my friends have to live so far away????)

Jacqui Ramierez (another best friend) (emo kids need hugs! *huggle* whats up? you are a good listener and you under stand me... and I love that about you... Remember when we sang Rebirthing ... lol you wanted to sing it so much... and then you go nervous when we got on stage... its ok ... if anyone had picked on you they woulda got the Wrath of the Kat... lol hey at least it wasn't as bad as me and anneliese's Be My Escape ghettoness version)

Joey Taylor (A good friend and I secretly adopted him as brother... ssshhh) (BAD MEMORIES!!!! lol who knew Austins skin could be so white anyway... lol funny funny! I like how you put up with my crazyness ... unless I get too loud... and ... you are very protective of me... like that time we were selling candy for band ... and you were all like woah that guy was a little creepy... that's why I pretend you are my adopted brother... or at least one of the reasons...)(mint zombies will eat your brainz!)(THE TRIBE HATH SPOKEN!!!!!) (no wood jokes...)

Bryelle Mcgee (good friend) (dude like we should totally do something I haven't seen you in ages!!! we always had so much fun in girlscouts and at me and my sisters sleepovers... you and alyssa were good story tellers.)

Alyssa Hall (good friend) ( ^^^ read what I wrote to bryelle it applies to you as well... got it missy? how come you don't reply to me as much anymore???)

Miles or Myles or... Mielz cause i feel like spelling it that way... (good friend! and... hehehe adopted to me as possible future brother-in- law... ) (DEATH MUFFINz! ok so not the best idea I've ever had so what still a fun thought though right? You are one of my more dark friends... which is a good thing... and we have some pretty funny conversations... cause I have to explain things to you and you are older by a year and in a higher grade...plus you are so flabbergasted by girls ... I mean come on how complicated is my sister anyway...)(oh about that you get points for wearing eyeliner ... and of course being jewish)(... sorry for picking on you about being named after a measuremen...*LOOK IMMA WHALE!!!!*...t lol)(*drools over awesome boots**stealthily steals awesome-now drooly-boots*) wow this is getting really long... I'll stop now... wait one more (don't forget percussionists bang ... heheheheh we'll see how long it takes for you to get that one...)

Meg!!!! (Good friend) ( one of my super headbangalicious-ness pplz!!!! and a fellow music lover!!! Don't forget .... where you are... well that's where you'll be ... cuz you travel a lot... in fact right now you are at the Poynter Instutitute thingy... )

well... that's all I am gonna do for now... it started out as a character list and turned out to be shout outs... I will write more at some other point in time... my hands hurt from typing ...

Peace love... rock on... whatever ... ^_^

~Kat

The Villian And The Hero

2008-05-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

To be opposing things is interesting if you are everything yet nothing.

Sanity Vs. Normality and other randomness

2008-05-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

ello again...

tis of course me... but you probably knew that since you are reading my blog....
I figured it out... see my original theory is/was that If " No ones perfect" and "No two people are the same" are true then no one is anything... yet everything all in one. Which means no such thing as normality; which is well "duh!" however... if we are not normal then what are we? I am currently saying sane seeing as I have no proof that the "average" person is not sane... Yet I believe that a person can be both sane and insane at the same time as they are not opposites; just states of mind. Which brings me back to everything; sane and insane alike. Is it possible for someone to be purposefully insane? Do we as people have the capcity to be what we are not? (egad! Its the socratic method again) To become something impossible? Is our picture of modern society reflect these things? or the recprocial? In the end words lose meaning('s).

Just a thought; A thought in progress.

In other Notes:
My band concert is thursday. I have discovered I like a band called Mute Math . School ends in nearly 2.5 weeks. My seniors are all graduating and you can't have them I am kidnapping them they are mine! My WebDesign I class that I am taking over the summer just accepted me as a student (shall be easy for me no?) . I am adding a link to my school newspaper even though I haven't been able to submit an article recently (Nine classes does that to you... I am such a nerd!!!) I think I may start posting some of my articles here as well as on NIAC. My blog seriously needs music... I should add some. Phlossinossimilipiliphcation is a word... even if I can't spell it... so HA! go find it in the dictionary. It's defination is " A measurement of the impossible" so in escense it is itself and yet so many other things.

To catch up on my life:
Today was over all a sucky day and its not worth talking about so don't ask. Yesterday was good I suppose... only Margret wasn't in third so I really missed all the intellectual discussions... (she was acctually there today and we talked about how everything has a story and they were making up stories for everything... her and Kali that is.) If you don't know I have Pottery-Ceramics I third and we get into some pretty good conversations in that class. Saturday and Sunday were as weekends always are hectic. Between services, catching up with school work, fighting with the rents and just over all crazyness the weekends usually make me more stresses than the week days. Friday was very Highschool Musical without the whole disney factor. Basically my drumline was asked by the principle to march around the school playing cadence it things got severly crazy, plus the already dramatic school day was made worse when I missed my bus and couldn't call my mom to get me...(sentence edited for boringness sake) ... I had a friend of mine Brittany drive me home. and the rest is pretty much history. Friday was key though if you wanna know the whole story e-mail me (LadyKatianaTheBrave@gmail.com).

ok... well I suppose that's it... darn this is short for my bloggingness (I make up words)

ttyl
~Kat